10 April 2009

I Must Be One Of Those Fags

There is a band out there I hate. I mean, I hate. I have never hated a band more in my life than this band. I first heard of them because Pandora's boyfriend just loves them because he and his high school buddies drink to their songs. I thought that perhaps this horribly shitty band was no more known to the world than to teenage boys who got together every weekend to smoke weed, drink booze, and fuck nasty hoes. I was wrong.

At work last night, one of the managers had her iPod connected and was playing on shuffle. A song came on and I thought it sounded familiar... it was Hollywood Undead. I cannot even express how much I hate this band. I walked right up to the stereo playing the iPod and ripped the cord out. I wasn't going to listen to that shit. My manager got pissed off and said that she, "loves this band! They're so amazing!" She plugged it back in and started all over again. I dropped what I doing and walked as far away as possible into the dinning room and sat down, waiting until the song was over.

So let me tell you a little bit about Hollywood Undead. They are a group of six douchebags (Charlie Scene, Johnny 3 Tears, J-Dog, Da Kurlzz, Duece AKA The Producer, and Funny Man). They started out as an unsigned band on MySpace and got so popular that they got a real record deal. They wear hockey masks so that you can see what they really look like (although you can see them here without their masks thanks to some girls MySpace). So they have fake names and wear masks so that people don't know who they are. And I can understand why. Below are some chosen lyrics from four songs off their debut album Swan Songs.

Hollywood Undead - "Christmas In Hollywood"
So meet me under the mistletoe lets fuck
so meet me by the manura lets get drunk

Little Timmy stole from 7-11
So we stopped by his house with a pair of sevens
We drank in his room with some dude named Kevin

He didn't leave cookies but we needed a snack
So we took the beer back and I FUCKED HIM IN THE ASS!!!

underneath his suit was just a bunch of pillows.
instead of bags of presents, he had bags of dildo's.

Hollywood Undead - "Undead"
Motherfuckers who don't know what,
You better watch what you say.
From these industry fucks,
To these faggot ass punks,
You don't know what it takes,
To get this motherfucking truck.

Johny's taking hands up, with all the faggots who hate,
Cause I am good motherfucker and there's a price to pay,
Yeah, I am a good motherfucker and its judgment day!

I'm getting used to this nuisance,
And all the fags who bad mouth this music,

You need to slit your wrist, get pissed and go jump off a bridge,

Because its nothing in my mouth except my dick and what I spit,
So my dick is in my hand when I respond to faggots talking shit,
Speaking of fags, already wrap with the drag,
We killed him and then we stuffed his body in the Cadillac.

Hollywood Undead - "Pimpin"
Where I ride with jdog
And it's like, okay, basically
We get shitfaced and crazy
We're screaming "FUCK THE POLICE!"

We're six Caucasians, hell raisin'
Blazin', making zero pay
Can't wait to drink to stop the pain

And I got my soldiers in the back so you don't wanna face me
And when your girl look up at me, I'm lookin' right down
And all that yappin', you know you gon' get a smack down

Hollywood Undead - "Everywhere I Go"
Wake up
Grab beer
Grab rear
Shave beard
Put on some scene gear
Gotta get drunk before my mom wakes up
Break-up with my girlfriend so I can bang sluts
I'm undead, unfed
Been sleeping on bunk beds
Since ten
So if I don't booze it, I'm gonna lose it
Everybody get to it, do it, get ruined

So just get buzzed and stay fucked up
We'll keep them panties droppin’

When I start drinking
My dick does all my thinking
Hoes want to be scene with me
And I like their big thick titties

I wanna see your booty rubbing against my dick
when I start buzzin'
Come on girls I wanna see you drinkin'
I wanna see your brain start shrinkin'
Make a move I saw you winkin'
Drunken pussies what I'm thinkin'

So booze, violence, fags, sluts, more booze, more sluts. All they do is talk about drinking and fucking drunk girls. Wow, sounds like my kinda guys! Oh and we can't forget about them telling us their names. None of what I chose reflected this but they are constantly telling us who they are. So yeah, I must be one of those fags who bad mouth their music.

What is sad is not necessarily that they exist or that they are the way they are. It's the fact that there is a very real audience of people out there who likes them. There are people out there who really like their music. They sing along, get drunk, and think to themselves, "Oh how I wish I was just like them. I wish I could drink all day long and fuck drunk girls like they do in the songs. Hollywood Undead is just so cool! It's so cool they sing about breaking up with their girlfriend so they can fuck sluts. It's so cool they have nothing else in life but drinking. It's just so cool"


Mandar Malum said...

I also despise this band... unfortunately i have to hear them more often than you do, because Pandora's boyfriend blares their music through our place of employment. (and I do mean blares, i hear it from at least 200 feet away)

I will now turn to a rather enjoyable excerpt from a review of the CD from Amazon written by "Russell N. Balliet" Russell states "...every song is about 'getting the party started', 'drinking 40oz (to get the party started)', or sleeping with well girls that have been drinking 40oz at the party. Bottom line is I couldn't recommend this to anyone..."

Pliny-the-in-Between said...

Finally - something I loathe more than rap...

Asylum Seeker said...

Eh...I try not to judge bands based on debauchery in their lyrics. Sadly, the term "fag", "faggot", as insult of choice to ANYONE is far too common, but I personally blame the culture at large for propagating that than any given person for feeding into it. I don't like that they do, but there are bigger battles.

Christmas in Hollywood is almost kinda funny, but sucks. Undead is pretty good. "Everywhere I go" isn't bad, per se, but makes them sound like too much of an Eminem wannabe. And Pimpin sucks...it meanders too much, and, as you pointed out, the lyrics can't save it. Of course, I only can almost tolerate half of these songs because I personally can never actually hear the lyrics of music: I focus on the melody, and how the basic tones of the voice supplement it, rather than the words. Assuming that you do actually pay attention to the lyrics when the music is playing...I can only imagine your agony...

pboyfloyd said...

"People" are bastards.

You know, in the vernacular sense.

If only 'this' were the one and only instance of assholiness on 'Planet Redneck'.

Hey, there's a name for a band that you don't want to know either!

Pliny-the-in-Between said...

I don't mind debauchery in lyrics particularly but I like it to have some sense of irony or satire - or at least it has to seem that way to me when I hear it. I have to admit that having some tween kids has increased my attention to lyrics. I tend toward head banging heavy metal when I need a break. Not exactly heavy metal but I try not to play one of my friday cool off songs by Nada Surf - gonna have a party, when the wee one's are about. Though it is a good tune to kick off the weekend.

Anonymous said...


Where on youtube is your Dawkins video? That was quite possibly the most reasonable discourse I've ever heard from him.

Mandar Malum said...

For me, lyrics are quite important, that is unless it is in a foreign language. However, when I can hear the words for myself, and I understand what they are saying, then lyrics are extremely important.

I have a great amount of distaste for the message that these douche bags are trying to convey. Drink, fuck, party, party while drinking and fucking... its just so... juvenile and irresponsible. It is people like them that help add to ignorance of the American people.

But yes, I will say it again... lyrics are extreamly important to me for a song, because poetry is the backbone of the song. The lyrics, 9 times out of 10, are the reasons why i fall in love with a song. the soul and meaning is what i thrive on more than beats and tunes....

Pandora said...

Ugh...don't even get me started on this band. I don't really have a problem with some artists who talk about this kind of stuff in their music..but this band talks about it ALL THE TIME. I'm not a big fan of rap, but there are a few artists (lil wayne) who actually talk about other things. He talks about huricane katrina because he's from New Orleans, and talks shit about Bush, which is wonderful. But I just don't get why they're so popular. I'm sure I could write a better song in my sleep, and it would have more to it then getting trashed and fucking sluts. But I guess everyone has their own music opinion.

Tit for Tat said...

Funny, but the term "Fag" never meant Homosexual to us when we were growing up. It was used more from the sense that you were weak or girlie. Still a slight, but very different in essence.