30 September 2008

How Small We Really Are...

This is so cool, it really gives you a better idea of how very small we as a people are. Our star alone is teeny tiny!

29 September 2008

See This Face? Pissed!

So I was gonna go see Bill Maher's "Religulous" this Friday. Well, my local theatre isn't carrying it and the closest that has it is about an hour and half drive away. If I didn't work all weekend, I'd be all for it. Now of course I'm seeing tons of commercials that say things like "Opens everywhere October 3rd!"

Yeah... this face... PISSED!

28 September 2008

Boob Of The Week 2

This week's boob of the week is the left boob of the Venus of Willendorf. This busty beauty is from Austria and is around 23,000 years old. It was discovered in 1908 by Josef Szombathy. Very little is known about it's origin or it's synificance. It is believed by paleontologists to be a symbol of the ideal fertile woman at the time (clearly we have a different idea today). By creationists, it is believed to be the workings of the devil, seeing as the world is only about 6000 years old, right? Hmm, Bible says the earth is 6000 years old. Venus of Willendorf is 23,000 years old. Hmm...

27 September 2008

Pimmel Never Hurt Nobody!

Okay, on Suvivor Gabon (a show I never watch), some guy (Marcus) went running and his little best friend popped out to play for a moment. Just like Janet Jackson's titty, the FCC is freakin' out! Jesus Christ, it's just a fucking pimmel! It never hurt nobody! Nearly 95% of adult people either have a pimmel or have had a pimmel inside their body. Clearly everyone loves pimmel! There are more penises then there are black people and yet for some reason you don't see TV Land having pimmel marathons, but you do see that crazy pudding popper papa Bill Cosby shoving his anti-pimmel adgenda down our throats.

I understand that CBS shouldn't be showing mr. pimmel thrusting into someone's hot love pocket, but this is nothing more than a floppy friendly worm.

So if the censors are really that up in arms about pimmel, they need to keep a closer look at their shows. Then again, when pimmel wants be seen. It will be seen. Check out Marcus's pimmel below. It's just saying "hey... pimmel here." It never hurt nobody! We should embrace his pimmel, not hide it!

25 September 2008

Americans Are Fucking Idiots

... or at least a good 30 or 40 percent of them are. So yesterday, before 'W' went out and attempted to scare the shit out of the American people, approximately 10% of people were for and 90% were against this tax bailout for billionaries.

One day later, now that 'W' has said things like "our economy could collaspse" and "everyone could lose their jobs", he's successfully been able to use his same old, lame old, scare tactics to freak people out into voting lockstep with him.

I once remember a great president saying "we have nothing to fear, but fear itself." We should be smackng 'W' across the face for doing everything in his power to scare us. But instead, today's polls are very different.

Approximately 53% are now for the bailout and only 47% are against it. What the fuck! As long as Americans are more than willing to throw their freedom and liberty out the window because some douche-bag says scary things, I will have a very hard time respecting Americans.

Oh and by the by, that $700,000,000,000 is going to be passed. Granted, I am happy now there will be strict regulations rather than the whole 'blank check' approach that 'W' offered, but I am still pissed. The problem is this, Americans are afraid of discomfort. Here's some discomfort for ya, each taxpayer in America is going to be paying $5000 each to these billionaires. That's 16 weeks of pay on $300 a week. You are going to work for 16 weeks, so that billionaires don't lose their yachts, their fourth or fifth house, their cars, their planes, their savings. You are going to work for 640 hours so that a billionaire will still be able to get his Holiday bonus check this November. But here's the good news! The republicans and democrats have worked together to assure that there is a limit on bonus checks. Yes, a limit. A limit on a bonus check. What's the limit? They won't say, but I'll tell you this, it's gonna have six or more figures!!! A bonus check! Are you fucking serious!? Isn't a bonus check given for a good job done. They fucked over their own company! Here's a million dollars for Christmas.

Bottem line: The top 1% of Americans make more money than the bottem 90% do combined. Like communism, captialism works on paper. Also like communism, capitialism will fail. With the way this country is headed, one of two things will happen. 1) The people will start a revolution an real change will happen (I'm talking real change, not Obama change, which is good, it's just only temporary). Or 2) The country will lazilly sit by as the world is inheritated by a tiny minority of rich Czars. People will give up their freedom, their liberty, their voice, so that they can remain comfortable and feel like they're free. But it will be okay because it'll all be democratic and capitalistic. The American dream will still be, you can be anything you want to be... the only problem is that it will only apply to those who can afford it (kinda like today). As long as they have the money and the fear tactics. They have the power.

What do you think will happen?

24 September 2008

Election 2008 Electoral Map Prediction

With only 40 days until the election, I've decided to go ahead and put out my prediction on the electoral map outcome of the 2008 United States presidential election.

If you want to make your own, go here and use the CNN electoral map calculator.

With McCain's horrible decision to add Sarah Palin to his ticket, the extremely unpopular Bush administration, the crippling economy, and the unfavorable war in Iraq, I've predicted that Barack Obama will win the presidency.

Here is how I expect to see the map go in 40 days. When we do have the real results I will compare and see how correct or incorrect I am.

334 Electorial College Votes Go To Barack Obama
204 Electorial College Votes Go To John McCain

Even though, yes, I am Barack Obama supporter, I am not predicting his win because of that. In the 2004 election I was a Kerry supporter, but I was not surprised to see Bush win because the war in Iraq, the fear inducing campaign against gay marriage, and the lack of Kerry fighting back against the smear Bush campaign.

Despite all this. I'd much rather have an Obama presidency than a Kerry one. Everybody get ready to start saying, President Obama.

23 September 2008

Why We Should NOT Bailout Wall Street!!!

First of all, lets put down the basics. Wall Street has fucked up and made it's own problems. George Dubya-Douche-Bag Bush wants us to give 700 billion dollars to bail them out. That's 700,000,000,000 dollars. If you make 300 dollars a week. That's 2,333,333,333 times more than what you make a week! It's a fucking huge amount of money. You would have to work for 400,000 centuries to make that much money on 300 dollars a week. So who's money would be given up? Taxpayer money! Not to mention, it might not be $700B dollars. It might actually be a trillion. $1,000,000,000,000!

From what I've seen, I've gathered that McCain supports it (I can't be 100% on that, but it seems as though he has decided to vote for the $700B). The vast majority of people in both the Senate and in the general public hates this idea. McCain said today that if we don't pass this then credit will disappear, banks will go bankrupt, people will lose their jobs. What!? Okay, you might lose your job... if you work on Wall Street. Where the fuck is this really coming from?

What will really happen if we don't bail them out? They will have to lower prices of homes and loans so they can make back some money. Shit will actually go down in price if don't bail them out because they will have to try and make money to bail themselves out.

So why are they in this cafuffle? Because they started handing out loans to people who should not have gotten them. They starting giving out money willy nilly to people who they could have easily known would never pay the money back. This is a crisis. It's a crisis because Bush actually thinks they should be bailed out.

The good news is that at least 4/5 Americans actually do understand this bailout is a bad thing. Check out this poll on CNN.com.

Here a big problem. If we bailout this industry. Who gets bailed out next? Credit cards companies and the automobile industry? Once you start handing out government goodies, the line starts to get really long.

Oh and get this. McCain compares the patriotism shown after the attacks of 9/11 to the patriotism needed to be shown during this crisis. I'm sorry McSame, but this bailout is NOTHING like a terrorist attack. Once again, republicans bring up 9/11 which happened 7 years ago, in hopes of scaring people into believing them.

So should we do absolutely nothing? No, we should try and see what can be done without simply throwing a trillion dollars at the problem. Bush needs to realize that money is not the answer.

By the way, if I haven't mentioned already. The people he wants to bail out are billionaires. Fucking billionaires. We should not be flipping the bill for bad decisions by bad people. The only people who will really hurt from this bill not passing are bankers. They will hurt because they will have to compete for more customers.

So what kinda average Joe will be affected? The average Joe who wants to go buy a house who really can't afford it. That's a good thing. Some people who can't afford a house shouldn't have a house!!!

Bottem line: The quicker they rush this bailout and/or solution the more mistakes will be made.

UPDATE: It looks like Obama has said he sees no reason to suspend the debate. Apparently very few people do think it should be pushed back. Good! That shows strength! It shows that Obama's not afraid like McCain apparently is. And by the way, Obama has already said he doesn't support this $700B at all. He says that there is no way we should give them "a blank check."

21 September 2008

Boob Of The Week

Click here to see the boob of the week. Check out the runner up!

20 September 2008

Tarkan's Gets Metamorfozed

There are couple new things in the world of Tarkan. First he has just released a companion to his amazing 2007 album Metamorfoz called Metamorfoz Remixes. Metamorfoz was and still is one the best things on my iPod at the moment. However the remix version pretty much sucks all over. My cell phone bill sucks less than this piece of shit. It's pretty much meant for all the cocaine invested gay dance clubs in Istanbul. Sadly out of a 2-disc set I honestly didn't like a single track. I'll stick to the original thank you. Oh... but hey! Check out this cover!

Tarkan has also just released one of his best songs off of Metamorfoz called "Dilli Duduk" as his next single. The video is pretty cool. Lots of computer graphics. Lots of words in Turkish. Lots of him bouncing around like a gay turkey (or at least a gay Turk).

Just before that he released this very dangerous video for "Arada Bir" where he obviously has no respect for traffic laws. Tsk tsk.

Here is another shot from his Metamorfoz Remixes cover shoot.

19 September 2008

I Could Probably Watch This All Day

Sadly, I could probably watch this man attempt to put on his flip-flops and lose his drink all day long... I think I just might!

Finally! People Are Waking Up!

Well it looks like people are finally starting to wake up and see the bullshit milf known as Sarah Palin for what she really is. It looks like her little jump in popularity has leveled off and is starting to go down. Obama has again taken lead in the national gallup pools and we haven't even started the presidential debates (The first of which is Sept. 26th). Here in Ohio we have a little joke, Mrs. Palin. You can ride a lipstick pig to Alaska but you can't ride it to the White House. Check out a couple of my favorite politcal cartoons below.

18 September 2008

Penny Pooh & Levi Wevi

So during these two months living at my parents temporarily we've got to enjoy some time with their doggies. They are Penny Pooh and Levi Wevi. Enjoy.

17 September 2008

The Chronicles of a Nomad Pt.2

The Chronicles of a Nomad Pt.2
Poop Bags, Hot Dogs, & Laughing Dads

Tuesday comes around and still now power. FUCK! Dad leaves for work and eventually comes back due to a lack of power at his shop. Thankfully his work eventually calls and tells him that they have power. Step-mom sleeps. She’ll be back on first shift on Wednesday. During the day I listen to the soothing sounds of Dr. Richard Dawkins’ and his wife Lalla Ward in the wonderful audio book version of The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins. While listening I play Mario Kart DS, for which I am now trying to get a star rating in every course (tough business).

Later in the day I call up my school to make sure that I am still to get my voucher on time to purchase textbooks and everything checks out there. Around five I travel up to the great city of Lerbut to get Mandar and we head toward Aurora’s house. Not to be off topic, but I really need to get some air to blow my laptop with.

Anywho! Soon after we get there, Aurora, Mandar, and I go to Vernmount to get some warm food at Wendy’s. Mmmm. I got a baked potato, caesar side salad, fries, junior bacon cheeseburger, and nibbled on Aurora’s nuggets (sick!). I kinda had to poop… but didn’t really think about it. Next we swung by our house to get the deck of Wizard Cards, only to see my dad out with the dogs, looking like he hasn’t showered in days (oh wait! he hasn’t!). I kinda had to poop. But I didn’t.

Getting back to Aurora’s, we learn that they have had to start pooping in plastic bags, and then throwing them onto the burn pile as they also don’t have electricity. What’s funny is they have already given warning to their neighbors Jerry and Robin (who used to be my manager at Wendy’s) that they will soon be burning poo in the back yard.

So Christie accepts the inevitable. She’s gonna have to poop in a plastic bag. She does it, surprisingly well, and runs outside with the bag. I had to shit RIGHT AWAY! I was having a premiere grade Margaret Cho moment. I grabbed a Wal-Mart bag, ran into their bathroom, and threw off my pants and shoes. Not noticing the water in the toilet basin, I throw the bag in there, open it up, and sit down to poop. It was a photo finish and I missed.

Poop was everywhere; in the bag, on my butt cheeks, in the basin. After about a whole roll of toilet paper, I realize that half of my poop ended up in the bag and the other half ended up in the toilet. After cleaning my ass, I sneak out and poke my head around the corner, looking into the kitchen. “There’s been a little problem,” I say.

Mandar immediately assumes that I shat all over the floor. I explain myself, and they tell me that I can flush the toilet at least once, and that I can grab another bag to put the first bag in. Trying to put a bag of poop in another bag is not as easy as it sounds. I was able to ball up the two bags and place them into a third with only minor poo smears on my hands. I run outside and toss the bag onto the back porch and Aurora brings a bottle of water to run over my hands while I wash away my own shit. After putting my shoes back on, I throw the triple-bagged feces into the burn pile, and return to play cards like nothing out of the ordinary happened at all.

During the game, Aurora smoked about two bowls and I could tell from Mandar’s giggly composure that he was getting a contact buzz. By the time we get home, once again we find my dad watching old episodes of Frasier, laughing so hard and so loud at jokes I’m sure he knows by heart. Still peppy from his contact buzz, Mandar plays with the dogs and ends up complimenting Penny on how hot she is. Eventually Mandar goes to bed. I go off to write. Thus ends the second full day without power.

PS: Despite the horridness of this entire situation. The weather is gorgeous today. Autumn is finally coming and I’m loving every minute of it… except for the whole lack of power and pooping in plastic bags (which was actually a target bag I pooped in by the way).

16 September 2008

The Chronicles of a Nomad Pt.1

The Chronicles of a Nomad Pt.1
Pimmel, Pokey Face, & DS Love

So power has been out from Ike since Sunday at around 5pm. Thanks to the kindness of strangers (like Pandora and her family), Mandar and I are still alive.

Let’s start with Monday. My dad leaves for work while my step-mom sleeps (from working third shift). Around noon he shows up having spent those four hours in line to buy a generator. After I eat some chips and old sandwich meat for lunch, he pulls me outside to clean up sticks and branches left from the storm. Ugh! My back still hurts from it. It wouldn’t have been so bad had I just stayed bent over the entire time. But all things considered, I did get to ride around in the back of the trailer as if I was ten again.

So after a while Mandar and I decide to go over to Pandora’s who didn’t loose electricity (just cable and internet). Her very giving mother let us scarf down loads of tacos and we were able to shower since we no longer have running water. I of course brought my iPod, my Nintendo DS (for which Pandora is now in love with), my laptop, my mobile, and every other portable device I could possibly find. Thank Zues for those or else I’d have gone crazy seeing as I don’t currently have a job and am waiting very patiently for a call from Lexington which I’m sure just won’t happen now.

So then after some Phase 10… Oh I forgot. Bahahaha. Pandora’s boyfriend got his eye royally poked out by her dad in a friendly … or not so friendly game of basketball. I shall now call him Pokey. Haha. Oh and there was this great point when he obviously tried to sound smart or funny but it just sounded gay. He had his cards out so far I could see them and I said, “You’re showing me your cards Pokey!” He responded, “Oh, you wait and I’ll show you something.” Hahaha. What is he gonna show me? Pimmel!

When we get home, we hear the generator going and go inside. My dad had it hooked up to the fridge, the TV, and a VCR, playing old episodes of Frasier he taped off television from 1997. Mandar goes to bed. I go off to write. Thus ends the first full day without power.

15 September 2008

The Best SNES Game Ever Ruined By Ike

So I looked online today to check out the new virtual console games for Nintendo Wii and was ecstatic to see Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars. I immediately got out my Wii-mote and purchased 1000 Wii points. For a mere 800 points (or $8) I got a hold of a game that still to this day sells for $50 bucks on eBay!

So the minute it was downloaded I was playing. Even after twelve years I absofuckinlutley love this game! It is quite frankly the most perfect RPG game of all time!

So after about forty five minutes, I’ve already leveled up and received the hammer. I’m in the Mushroom Kingdom talking to the chancellor and then BLACKOUT.

The electricity goes out. See this face: Pissed. So after a few flickers and some weirdness, the power comes back on and I go back to my game, feeling okay at the fact that I saved only four or fives minutes before the power went out. I get this message: DATA IS CORRUPTED AND CANNOT BE USED.

See this face: Dead! My heart stopped. I’m dead. It’s been fun. It’s been real. And Super Mario RPG was real fun but now it’s gone. My money was wasted and thanks to my car insurance and car payment, I’ve not got enough to buy it all over again. Thankfully nothing else has been corrupted, however I still fail to see why exactly this data was corrupted. I mean, shouldn’t it have just treated it as if somebody pulled out the plug? Would that really have made me loose all my data?

So here I sit now, a zombie, waiting for the winds from Hurricane Ike to pass so that I might be able to get the internet back and see if there is a way to re-download Super Mario RPG without having to shell out more money. If not, I’m slitting some Japanese throats over at Nintendo. Oh! There we go! Now I know how to pass the time. I’ma gon’ sharpen ma slittin’ knife! Get ‘er ready to go!

Bottom line: Amazing games and hurricanes don’t mix.

UPDATE: It turns out that the Hurricane is not actually responsible for the corrupted date. Nintendo is and I'm not the only one who's had problems.

13 September 2008

12 September 2008

In Case You Didn't Already Know

Who is Sarah Palin? Here's some basic background:

* She was elected Alaska's governor a little over a year and a half ago. Her previous office was mayor of Wasilla, a small town outside Anchorage.

* Palin is strongly anti-choice, opposing abortion even in the case of rape or incest.

* She supported right-wing extremist Pat Buchanan for president in 2000.

* Palin thinks creationism should be taught in public schools.

* She's doesn't think humans are the cause of climate change.

* She's solidly in line with John McCain's "Big Oil first" energy policy. She's pushed hard for more oil drilling and says renewables won't be ready for years. She also sued the Bush administration for listing polar bears as a threatened species-she was worried it would interfere with more oil drilling in Alaska.

10 September 2008

Happy Smiles and Gothic Homos

So I haven't blogged in forever... get over it! When I'm not writing here then I'm writing somewhere else. I've only got a set amount of words that can be pulled from my body per day.

Today I want to talk about Happy Smiles/Veselye Ulybki which is the new album from faux-lesbian duo t.A.T.u. For the last year I've been waiting for this CD which was promised originally on December 25th, 2007 (back when it was actually going to be called "Waste Management") So now, FINALLY it seems that we just might actually be getting it within the coming weeks. For sure we are getting a new single called "You & I" on Friday so I'm definitely pumped for that. So what you see above is the new shittious album artwork for the newly renamed album. I'm assuming that because so few people embrace t.A.T.u.'s dark music style that they have decided to mock what the radio stations seem to want... which is Happy Smiles.

Now, don't get me wrong, that's cool. But I'm sorry, but when I get that album in my iPod it's still going to be called "Waste Management." Check out the original awesome artwork for the album.

So now onto some gothic homos. Thanks to a certain gossip site I have come across a band called Velvet Code. They're pretty good and they are growing on me quite a bit. They are a bit like Blaqk Audio, only gayer (yes! it's possible). They've got this techno 80's feel to them that is hard to find these days. My favorite song by them is called "Say You Love Me" which you can hear on their myspace page (here!).

Now when it comes to Davey & Jade of Blaqk Audio, there is at least a small scrap of chance they're not completely allergic to pussy. With Marlon, Ryan, and Nick of Velvet Code, they can't even have an itty bitty tensey weensey bit of pussy or they will die. For the love of God, don't go to youtube and watch their horrible video for "Trust Fund Girl" because it is pure shit. I still love the song, but wow, GAY! Hopefully a video for their next single will be better and get some mainstream radio play (doubt it, mainstream sucks now days).

Now as for the actual music... I'm hooked! I cannot wait until thier CD comes out. I've been listening to the songs on their MySpace none stop! As for the boys themselves... I'm slightly freaked out by the amount of hotness I'm feeling from them. I'd hit it. I'd probably it all!