29 January 2009

Strike Three! You're Out!

Two weeks ago I found a site advertised by Shirt.Woot.Com. The site is called $6 Shirts. Pretty campy shirts, but right up my alley. So I ordered 3 shirts. See below.

Strike 1: After a week without a tracking number and the website still saying "processed", I had to phone them and ask them for it. Big shock. Hadn't shipped yet cos they were still "backed up from the holiday." Yes, they're talking about Christmas. A month after Christmas and they are backed up. He told me, "I hope you get it next week." Note: Their website says, "all orders ship within 2 business days." Mine took 7 business days. I'm willing to bet that if I had not called, they would have never shipped.

Strike 2: They finally came today and it was shipped USPS despite me being charged for UPS Ground shipping as my invoice said. For a 1.5 pound shitty bag I was charged eight dollars for shipping.

Strike 3: My "Azalea" Ganesh shirt was not Azalea. It was light pink. Not the dark pink from the picture. Nothing like what was advertised. Lucky for me the other two were fine. Click here to see what my Ganesh shirt really looked like.

Never ordering from them again. I should have known to stick with reputable well known sites like Amazon. Luckily I only paid a total of $26 dollars for two shirts I'll definitely wear and one I might on the the right day. Oh yeah, they never respond to e-mails either. An extra strike, I suppose. I would love to bitch but, they won't do anything. Their about us does say, "buy from us with caution." Tisk tisk.

28 January 2009

This... Is A Boy!

This horrible thing below I found at WalMart. Apparently there is a little box set of clothes and a wig to look just like Hannah Montana. I'm sorry, but the kid in this costume is a boy...

♫ ♪Homo! (In sing-songy voice)♫♪

27 January 2009

Yesterday's Psychotic Episode

Every once in a while I go crazy. I don't know what happened but I lost my mind around 10:38am. It's rare but it happens. Usually I rearrange furniture but this time it was different. I was just sitting there doing laundry and it hit. I started foaming at the mouth and was like "Ahhh!!!!!! I gotta clean something today!! AHH! AHHH!!!"

Reminds me of Aurora's mother. Apparently anytime she smokes weed she goes crazy and starts re-wallpapering the house. I must have inhaled some laundry detergent fumes or something because I had to clean something. I was screaming inside. Unfortunately for me, I've been cleaning a bit lately and there really wasn't much at home to organize. However, for about a year and half Mandar and I have been talking about how our storage facility needed organizing. We were planning on doing it in the summer during a nice day, but I just couldn't wait. Even with the 15°F weather, I just had to organize.

Well after two days of madness, bags and bags of trash, frozen cheeks, seven huge silver totes, and a shite load of donations to Goodwill... I finished in two days, all alone. Here are the before, during, and after shots. Looking back, I don't know how I did it.

24 January 2009

My Mental Murphy Issues

Last summer when Mel B of the Spice Girls was pregnant, I accidentally said something strange to Aurora and Mandar. I said, "Yeah, Mel B apparently just had a baby with Murphy Brown."

Aurora cocked an eye. Mandar shouted and laughed, "What!?"

Apparently Mel B had a baby with Eddie Murphy, not Murphy Brown.

So this really was just a slip of the tongue, nothing more, nothing less. I thought.

Coming to the present time, last night at my parent's house my dad happened to mention a hilarious story (to him). When I was in 2nd grade I came home and told my dad that at school I was working on a puzzle all day... of Murphy Brown. He was confused and was sure that I wasn't really doing a puzzle of Murphy Brown in the 2nd grade. He tried and tried to figure out what I was doing a puzzle of. The next day he had to go to my school and ask my teacher (notably concerned I guess). I was actually doing a puzzle of Charlie Brown.

What the fuck is wrong with me!? Why am I always thinking of Murphy Brown.

I blame CBS.

22 January 2009

Do You Really Want To Be My Friend?

... and do I really wanna be yours?

21 January 2009

Gimme Dat Ol' Fashion Religion, Fucka!!!

In 2003 rapper DMX said he wanted to retire from rapping to become a Pastor. Former rapper and current pastor Ma$e told him to wait until "god called upon him." Well I guess god's giving him a ring cos it seems like DMX wants to be a pastor again and would like us all to not judge him for a "couple bad songs."

To my surprise (lol) he apparently has more than one "bad song." He also has some lovely songs about Jesus and prayer. Here's a little taste.

You give me the light and let me bask in your glory
So it was only right that when you ask for this story

"We Don't Give A Fuck"
"Look at him", I said after a few laughs, "Dumb nigga
Stupid is as stupid does cocksucker
Somebody shoulda told me I was fuckin wit a clown
And I think they found and let.. you.. nigga.. drown
....you know how shit get around

"Ready To Meet Him"
Our father, who art in heaven
I'm not ashamed to ask for guidance, at 27
No longer afraid to knock on your door
Not scared anymore to lose my life in the war
After what I just saw, I'm ridin' with the lord
Cause I really can't afford to lose my head by the sword

"My Niggas"
My niggas take you straight to the back & get ill
My niggas give it straight to the bank when we kill
My niggas put niggas on ice til they chill

"Prayer 3"
Lord Jesus it is you, who wakes me up every day
And I am forever grateful for your love..
.. this is why I pray

"X Is Coming For You"
IT WAS ALL FOR THE MONEY, while I'm hittin and splittin him down
from his nose to his nuts
Fire department comin, put the hose to his guts
We both know you pussy, but I ain't gonna say nuttin
Just hit a nigga off, and you can stay frontin

"Some X Shit"
Open cases got me PAYIN to stay out of jail
While these streets, got me to prayin to stay out of hell

Since beginning public life as a rapper, DMX has made headlines for multiple arrests, such as for violent behavior, animal cruelty, reckless driving, unlicensed driving, drug possession, and identity falsification.

As of December 31, 2008, DMX has pleaded guilty on charges of drug possession, theft, and various other charges and was sentenced to 90 days. DMX is scheduled to be sentenced January 30th in an Arizona superior court.

The 38-year-old rapper is engaged and has eight children, whose ages range from three months to 16 years.

20 January 2009

The Level Of Stupidity and Intolernace

There is apparently a very high level of stupidity in my class. Today my professor asked, "Is anyone gonna watch the inauguration at the student hall?" A young lady who has never spoken out before said, "The what? What's that?" My professor explained what the inauguration is (choking back laughter). The girl responded, "Again!? I thought we did that in the fall." My professor said simply, "No." The girl screwed up her face and asked, "Then what was all that fuss about in the fall?"

Oh and apparently there is a high level of intolerance too. Back in the spring I recall hearing some red-neck in the computer lab saying this (paraphrased of course, insert southern twang), "Well I was online and I watched this video of this guy who said that there no way Obama Bin Ladin will be president. He said that if Obama beats Clinton that he will guarantee that he won't get in. He said, 'I'm not saying I'm gon' kill him, but if he wins the election then I tell you that somebody will make sure that nigger don't become president.' So personally I hope nigger does win the election so that way we can kill him and send a message that the only niggers that need to be in the white house are those scrubbing the floors." Haha. Doesn't today feel good?

But even though most of us have accepted (and embraced) President Obama as the 44th President of the United States of America. Some haven't. Check out a few of these outrageous websites below.


Yes Sir Mr. President!

Do doot de-do doot de-do doo doo doo doo doo ...

Wow, isn't it nice to have a smart, educated, attractive first family!?

18 January 2009

The Best Album of 2008

Okay, so technically it came out in 2007, but it was re-released in 2008 and that's when I've been listening to it the most. It's Atreyu's "Lead Sails Paper Anchor."

Now, Atreyu purist call it their sell out album. But new fans of Atreyu will call it their best and refer to their previous stuff as just "okay." Some of their old fans call this "overproduced" but infact I think it's actually just professionally done.

It's got it's heavy side with songs like Doomsday, Honor, and Lose It. These songs are a lot like older screamo Atreyu but contain still a lot of actual singing. There are some obvious radio hits in Becoming the Bull and Falling Down (a great song about religious people who claim to have voices in their head from god).

Seriousness comes in a couple songs like Can't Happen Here which is all about how religious war is tearing the world apart.

"Does your God...
know my God?
This is how the world will end."

The song No One Cares is great however oddly enough I have a strange memory attached to it. As I was driving to pick up Mandar after work I happened to be listening to a song called No One Cares while passing a sign that said "Jesus Cares." Another serious song is Slow Burn which is generally about depression over addiction.

"And after this I feel as empty as the night before,
feel the pain and yet I'm still begging for more.
Masochistic, nihilistic, gurging wrecked up thoughts
My life's a mess and I can't find a way to fix it."

Apparently they saw ahead of time that people would bitch about their new sound with their new record label so they did the song Blow.

"Shut your mouth we've heard it all
Hypocrites and critics all
Can fuck off
We do this for our souls"

Lastly there are two epic songs that are best two on the album. When Two Are One and Lead Sails Paper Anchor. I can't really say much except download them and listen.

17 January 2009

Virtual Console Download: Phantasy Star IV

Perhaps the best RPG of all time in my eyes. Definitely the best game for the Sega Genesis. And now it's available for download from the Wii Virtual Console. It's Phantasy Star IV.

Now if you've played the games that come after Phantasy Star IV then you've been playing shit. PS4 was the last and best. With amazingly deep (especially for 1994!) characters and a brilliant plot, you'll be engulfed in a story that lasts until it's epic finale.

Not only is there the main plot, there's moonlighting opportunities from the guild where you can earn extra money and equip more powerful weaponry and armor. Check out some great screenshots from the game below.

For only $8 you can download it on your Wii today!

16 January 2009

The American Jesus

After posting a list of great fundie quotes last week I got an amazing comment. It was from a reader who author's another blog named pboyfloyd (see blog here). He left me a comment in song form that was so fantastic I just had to post it here.

15 January 2009

Seven Random Thoughts

1. It's fucking cold. Windchill down as low as -30°F tonight.

2. On the way to class this morning I accidentally drove on the school's sidewalk thinking it was plowed drive.

3. If I let Gordon Ramsey come to my restaurant to fix it up I wouldn't be a douche, I'd listen to what he said.

4. When doing legal research at school today I found that Atheism is considered a religion under the law according to case law additions made to the First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution. It is down as "a belief in the non-existence of a super being" and is therefor a protected faith.

5. Speaking of school. Apparently my college can't afford updated versions of the United States Code Annotated (U.S.C.A.) and the Ohio Revised Code (O.R.C.) but they can afford to add a 50-inch plasma TV's in the hallways.

6. "Skins" looks like it might be a good show but I don't know when BBC will start playing them from the start. Plus it's full of drama and sex and such and I just don't think I have room for a new show at the moment.

7. Betty White is one tough bitch!

*and no, there is no reason for the image of the dog eating the kitteh

14 January 2009

What's Scary Is That They Actually Believe This Shit

I found a great top twenty list of quotes from some fantastic Christians. Here are a few of the best.

“Multiculturalism in America should ONLY mean we have choices of eating Chinese food, Indian food, Thai food, French food, etc...”

“God does not want us not to use common sense.”

“Wouldn’t it be great if the troops were all handed out bibles as part of their protection gear?”

“ALL viruses are good for human beings, but sad to say, the human being immune systems were wrecked/weakened by sin, then, these viruses are become dangerous.”

“The teachers of evolution (unwittingly, at least usually) encourage dishonesty, murder, rape, stealing, etc..."

"Freedom of religion was to be able to worship the true God of heaven without the interference of government telling us how to. It was so we could worship the ONE true God, the God of Abraham, Issac and Jacob, and not the god of Ishmael, as Islam holds to, or one of the many gods of the Hindus. Yes, we are in the end times and the fight is between light and darkness, right and wrong, God and the devil. Those who choose God are on the winning side and will have the ultimate victory! Praise God!”

“When you throw Human Logic and Reasoning out the window and just believe God, things become much, much clearer.”

“I think that most dancing arouses feelings that young (or old, for that matter) people should not have. My personal opinion is that only married people should dance.”

“My personal life has become more stressful lately. Gays are a primary reason for it. I don’t have health insurance because of Gays. My marriage has been under a lot of stess and the homosexuals are making that worse."

“Apes are just creatures twisted by Satan to mock Jesus by giving EVILolition credibility. Further more they are naturally lust crazed for human women."

“Homosexuals and Jews are alot alike. Ever seen a poor fag? Didn’t think so… That’s why they both hate The Bible, because they’re both abomonations. Jews killed Jesus, fags would’ve just fucked him to death.”

"Deep down, all those so called atheists believe in God and fear divine retribution for denying the Lord’s existence."

"Atheists try to say that man made God. How STUPID can you get, how can something make the thing that made it?"

"I really doubt there will ever be an overpopulation because it’s part of god’s creation, if it appears that there’s an overpopulation, the god or whoever made everything would then resize Earth a bit bigger to fill up for new people to live.”

And finally, this one is particularly stupid...

“The people in this country may be diverse, but only one God exists– and Jesus is not of Middle Eastern descent.”


13 January 2009

This Picture Never Get's Old (Unlike John McCain)

Obama is almost president (and Firefox still picks it up as a spelling error). McCain and McCunt are a thing of the past (thank the gods). Here are a few swings on a great image of John McCain after a presidential debate.

12 January 2009

Let's Go! Let's Go!

So I was at AAA today and happen to see a collection of pamphlets for some great fun! Who wants to go to the amazing Creation Museum with me!?!?!

09 January 2009

Pandering To Paranoids

So sometimes the Discovery Channel and the History Channel have rather informative programing... but not always. Sometimes they run stupid shit about Nostradamus and the horrible 2012 end of world. This is about the latter.

Today at work my lovely 60-something year old assistant manager at work asked me if I ever watch the History Channel. Then she started telling me all about these amazing things that Nostradomus predicted (like 9/11 apparently lol) and other bullshit. Then she went on about how she really needs to start going to church again because apparently the universe is gonna to end on December 12, 2012.

So I rolled my eyes and she goes, "oh no, you don't understand, the Mayan calendar ends on 2012." My response was, "yeah, and my calendar ends in december of 2009 but you don't see me freaking out." She later went on about "well why on earth would they end their calendar if it wasn't the end fo the world. It's so very clear that that is when Jesus is coming back."


I really had nothing more to say. All I could do is grit my teeth at the idea that they actually peddle bullshit like this on what should be respectable scientific channels. Oh please, just pull the trigger now...

Thankfully 2012 isn't far away so people can finally shut up!

So after I wrote this short ditty of a blog, I searched "jesus return" in Google image search and oh my god, some of these images are hilarious. Here are few of the great gems.

03 January 2009

I Know It's Called Church's But...

Mandar and I went to Church's Chicken the other day and I happened to see a little something tapped up with their coupon announcements and such right next to the register. See below.

Okay, I know they are called "Church's Chicken" but really? Not to mention, they are a global company in countries such as Mexico, Jordan, India, Russia, and Kuwait. But of course, in Muslim countries (as well as the UK) they are not called Church's Chicken, they are called Texas Chicken. Haha.